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振奋锚

Lindsay Swoboda.

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创意母性

寻找普通魔法

寻找普通魔法

为了寻找普通魔法,今年即将结束,就像我发现自己大胆地看着边缘一样,让我渴望的腿再次跳跃。我们日历上的数字的欢迎偏移令人兴奋。我们面临另一个十二个月的潜力。我知道不再是潜力的心… 阅读更多

创意母性, 军用配偶, 母亲 0

2018年希望&梦想:今年在哪里带你?

2018年希望&梦想:今年在哪里带你?

2018年希望&梦想:今年在哪里带你?圣灵上帝给了我们并没有让我们胆怯,但给我们力量,爱&自律〜2蒂莫西1:7你所做的最重要的工作将在你自己家的墙壁内。 〜总统哈罗德B.李2019即将来临,总有一个… 阅读更多

创意母性, 军用配偶, 件 0

亲爱的妈妈,继续写作

亲爱的妈妈,继续写作

亲爱的妈妈,继续写作“别忘了 - 没有人以你所做的方式看到世界,所以没有其他人可以告诉你必须告诉的故事。” 〜Charles de Lint天空外面是黑暗的,在我世界的小角落里雄鸡乌鸦。我省略了一个内心的笑声 - 公鸡,公交车轮的吱吱声… 阅读更多

创意母性, 母亲 0

10个原因你的30岁比你的20多岁更好

10个原因你的30岁比你的20多岁更好

10个原因你的30岁比你的20岁哦,十年的十年,我是如何爱你的。让我来计算一下!首先,我向我的二十几岁题名,这是一个充满疯狂的选择,成长,并获得与我认为的人的牵引力。我看起来有很多额头拍打时刻… 阅读更多

创意母性 0

寻找自由:在你身边

寻找自由:在你身边

紧缩,紧张,紧张:我婴儿车的轮子正在推动美丽的秋叶。我的女儿被藏在一块毯子下,和我一起欣赏树木。我迷失了思想,我的脚在阿肯色州的父母后面的道路上砸了。耳朵笨蛋牢牢牢牢握住我的粉红色耳塞。我的播放列表充满了共鸣… 阅读更多

创意母性, 军用配偶 0

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你好!我是Lindsay。我是作家,创意,鼓励,制造商,军事配偶和妈妈。我的作品已经在遗留杂志,下一个Gen Milspouse,Coffee + Brumbs和军用配偶杂志中得到了特色。
当我不写时,我要么在缝纫机或阅读。我曾经和世界各地旅行过,但我相信总会有更多的体验。 阅读更多…

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当我拔出我的纸浆并退后一步, 当我拔出我的纸浆并退后一步,oman in a sparkly mask grins at me. I can tell she is grinning by the crinkle of the corners of her eyes.

“Your kids are so cute,” she says.
“Thank you so much!” I say, and she asks me their ages and tells me about her grandkids. 

Then she says, “I can’t believe it has been a year of this.” 
“I know.” I reply. She shakes her head, we exchange another crinkly smile and move on.

After I place the groceries in the van I head to push the cart in line with the others at the return. A man is there and I pause to let him go first. “No, you go on,” he says. I nod gratefully, balancing the baby on my hip and then grabbing my big girl’s hand to walk back to the van.

“We’re coming up on a year,” he says. “Yes.” I say, but it feels incomplete. I turn back and say, “I hope you have a good day.” He waves.

When I get home from our grocery trip I see them, the posts just like this one. We’re all processing this pandemic year. I scroll back through my writing from 2020 and I find my initial battle cry to get through this. I wrote, “Life- it perseveres. Love- it can break through our fear. Who will we be?” 

Here we are a year later, and I wonder- am who I hoped I would be?

I think I was less. I think I was more. 

Last night my husband and I finished watching WandaVision on our grey couch. (spoiler alert) Vision tells Wanda “It can’t be all sorrow can it?...What is grief if not love persevering?” I squeezed Ryan’s hand, and I kept holding it until we said good night.

Maybe I had it right last year. Maybe I had it wrong. Maybe it is, as I’m learning all of life is- a continuous circle of both/and. Life does persevere. 
But I think it does because of love.

Who was I last year?

I was a mom that lost her patience and also played. I was a spouse that felt thankful and annoyed. I was a woman that lost hope and fought to find it. I touched grief and capacity, I reset over and over. 
I reckoned and I adapted and I forgave and I felt rage. 

And I know that I loved. 

I know that I love.
宝宝在我面前摆动了在我面前 宝宝在我面前摆动了在我面前 mint patch. Everyone told me not to plant it last year. “Keep it in a pot,” they said. “Mint is invasive.”

They were right. It has taken over much of the plot I placed it in. It dares to go beyond its borders too. One of its green leaves reaches out to us, snaking across the brown and yellow tufts of grass. The baby squeals and reaches back, batting at the mint with his fingertips. 

It is 60 degrees today, a gift in the depth of winter. From morning till late afternoon we push the sliding glass door to the back yard, open and shut. First for bubbles, then toys. On our third venture, we lose our shoes. 

I crush a mint leaf under the baby’s nose. He swipes it and tries to cram it in his mouth. Then he flings it and pushes back against me, craning his neck to hear the mockingbird that’s landed in the bare branches above us. He remembers I’m behind him and grins, then he pulls forward and grabs his toes. Her bare feet appear next to him. My daughter crouches to pluck leaves. 

The door slides again. I grab a blanket so we can stay out longer. Soon the kids are both on top of me, intertwined. Like mint, their take over is expected. Each day I work to welcome them.

This post is part of a blog hop with @exhale.creativity an online community of women pursuing creativity alongside motherhood, led by the writing team behind @coffeeandcrumbs 
Head to my blog❤️ to see the next post in this series “280 Words”.
我让我的丈夫拍了一个我的新爆头 我让我的丈夫拍了一个我的新爆头st weekend. It was a victory to do my hair for the second time in 2021, put on real clothing, and to pause in the cycle of family duties to ask for something for my professional life.

And yet.

I didn’t stop there. The photo was required for a new writing adventure and after we did that, I sent out an email I’ve been dreaming of sending. The timing wasn’t right for me to send it last year and I knew it. 

And yet.

It would be fun and glamorous to say that time is resolved and the way is clear to try for a new dream now but in full transparency, time still feels thin. I am scared of what could be. We have a young demanding baby, homeschool, and a husband that’s lining up TDYs. We’re still living in the midst of a never ending pandemic, I don’t have a rhythm as a mother of two, and childcare? What’s that?!

Do we get to dream again? Do we get to say yes? Does anyone else feel like it’s really hard to change right now? 

And yet.

I prayed and talked to all the nearest and dearest cheerleaders in my life and my mom said it best to me this week. As she heard both hope and frustration in my voice she said, “Lindsay- you have always done the things you’ve dreamed of even when you were fearful. I think if you’re fearful it means you are on the right path.”

Here’s to the nudges we get. Here’s to honoring them if we can. Here’s to approaching them with kindness toward ourselves and patience for the journey ahead. 

What dream did you put on a shelf last year? Do you have the capacity to dust it off yet?
这是过去一年的10月左右的时候 这是过去一年的10月左右的时候ter looked at me across her lunch and said, “mommy sometimes it doesn’t feel like you smile much anymore.” 

That night I asked my husband if the observation of a five year old carried weight. 
“Well you just had a baby,” was what he said.
“Yeah, in July,” I responded. 
“And that means we’re coming out of the fourth trimester,” he said.
The baby snuffled in his crib beside our bed before letting out a wail.

As October melted into the holidays, I broke out my journal. I started working out. I revisited an essay. I made things with my sewing machine. I watched fun movies and we ate good food. I chased the activities that generally pull me up and out of a slump. Most of what I tried was a temporary hit of happiness, like how my morning coffee masks the four hours of sleep I got, and yet without also adding water after the caffeine, I’m just as exhausted (if not more) a few hours later.

Sometime after Christmas I realized that all of my pushing and pulling to get back to where I was- that wasn’t possible. 

I had to stop trying to be Lindsay pre-pandemic, Lindsay pre-two kids, Lindsay pre-moving back to the United States after 9 years overseas.

I had to accept I’ve changed. 
I have to accept I’ve changed.

It is hard to let go of what’s not serving us. It’s hard to rebuild confidence, routines, (restore baby- worn pelvic floors) delve deeper into our faith and discover that it is not about moving back to who we were but getting curious of who we can be if we step forward.

Am I smiling more? I believe so. I believe I’m beginning to find lightness again. 
To not just chase delight but to notice it, invest in it, and to fight for it. 
Forward is where you’ll find me.
更加美味不太分心 more rest less reeli 更加美味不太分心
more rest less reeling 
more experiment less expectation 
more capacity less crumbling
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These are my desires, my dreams, my goals for 2021. 
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My daughter took this photo of me on Christmas- during a moment when I felt true delight.
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I have always enjoyed picking a Word of the Year. It’s like a lamp post in the dark, making a circle of hope to move forward. Are you having a hard time moving forward? Moving on? Going anywhere? I am.
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In January 2020 I wrote this: “BREATHE is my 2020 word of the year. With all of the past few months of chaos, I’m starting to use my breath to calm myself down and refocus. If I can’t control anything else, I can stop and control my breath.”
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There was a lot of feeling out of control last year. There was breathing through labor. There was breathing into pillows out of frustration, anxiety, and sorrow. I breathed in the smell of nature on hikes, I breathed in the air of my home over and over and over again- and the sweet smell of my children’s hair. Breathe did help me pause. It helped me catch up and calm down. It served me well.
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In 2021, I want to remember how to love my life. There’s been a lot of head down and get through it. And while that is sometimes necessary, it doesn’t feel like living to me. 
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I need permission to DELIGHT again. 
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With this word goal comes the excitement of taking stock, being intentional, breaking the pattern, coming out of the slump. Finding what’s best instead of what’s easy.
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 The best place to start feels like turning down the noise. I heard the saying this year that we need to put down our phones to pick up our life.
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So I’ll see you in a month, friends. I’ll be checking my email. Feel free to send me a message at hello@upliftinganchor.com. 
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Do you pick a word of the year?
当我们走过威廉斯堡时,大门是 当我们走过威廉斯堡时,大门是 adorned with holiday wreaths. Dried oranges, seashells, fresh evergreen boughs. My husband and I walked arm and arm and took in the rare splendor of being alone and out of the house for twenty-six uninterrupted hours. 
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And I almost forgot how the people we walked by only gave glimpses of their eyes. I almost forgot all the hand sanitizing stations and how strange it was to pick up nourishment from a restaurant- walking past the empty tables and out with steaming bags. I stood six feet back whilst ordering a cafe au lait and biscotti after lunch. We touched the keypad in the elevator with our elbows.
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But as we walked through the historic homes, there it was, the reminder that stopped me. That jutted in with pain and longing. A mask dangling from a post. It lifted and fell in the winter breeze. 
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It made me feel strange. My stomach didn’t just knot- it twisted into swirls like the fancy towel animals that (were) on cruise ships. 
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I still can’t comprehend all that’s happened. When I try to think about it, my brain reaches around memories, months, headlines, and it can’t hold it. I can’t make sense of it. It’s like trying to zip up a jacket that’s too small, stuffing in all the pieces and bursting at the seams.
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As I stood there, I also watched families walk by holding hands. I heard chatter and laughter. Children chased each other. We’re still finding a way to carry on. There is still love and goodness and kindness alongside aching sorrow and fatigue. 
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I can’t hold this time. I can’t forget what I’m experiencing now. But I can’t stop thinking about how we once lived either. The caution I threw to the wind. I miss that. I miss making snap decisions and spontaneous delight. I have forgotten how to flex those muscles, the ones that make me feel truly alive. 
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When will I reclaim them? Will I remember how?
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11 “Something forgotten”// #thirtydaysofgrateful with @exhale.creativity and @calliefeyen
我今天看着我们的照片 - 我22和他23岁( 我今天看着我们的照片 - 我22和他23岁(scroll through to our courthouse wedding!) and I just thought, “wow those babies had no idea what would happen, what would test them, how they could hurt and heal each other, and how they would learn to come back to each other over and over again.”
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Marriage is amazing, and it’s hard. There is still so much we want to do with our lives, and I love looking both back and forward with him. 
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We have moved six times together, lived on four continents, added two children, and endured five deployments. We’re working our way through this pandemic, he’s pursuing his bachelor’s in the wee hours of raising kids and serving in the military, and still cheering me on to make time for writing. We are delighting in our kids and making time to create a family culture we are proud of.
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This past week was our 12 year anniversary, and we got away together for about 26 life-giving hours (thank you Mom and Dad Swo). We stayed at a hotel, picked up food, hiked a trail- and while all of that was great- mostly I marveled at how much I felt at ease with my husband. I felt delighted at how our time together felt full of conversation, confidence, love, dreams, warmth, and silliness. 
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I’m grateful to not only grow old with him- but to grow with him in general. He is the one person that truly knows all sides of me, and loves me in spite of them all.
第一个结局!加入主持我这个独奏epis 第一个结局!加入主持我这个独奏episode where we unpack Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, give ourselves permission to change up the plan, and make a good list. 
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If you've been a listener this season, THANK YOU! To create anything this year, AND to share it, feels like a feat. I still can't believe I was able to see this creative project from start to finally---a finish! 
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I learned that we can keep trying creative endeavors, and I have decided Season Two of #thechoosingbravepodcast is HAPPENING!
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Celebrating YOU and whatever your next brave step is.
今年在这里有很好的东西。 20件事到 今年在这里有很好的东西。 20件事到 be exact.
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moving to Virginia after nine years overseas// picnics in our new van// hiking in all seasons// birthing our son// raising and releasing butterflies
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sewing a new quilt for our daughter// falling in love with homeschooling// finding real friendships here despite the pandemic// launching a podcast (and the creative balm this was)// going to regular teletherapy appointments 
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starting to write again after I couldn't find words for so long// laughing with my husband in the kitchen// talking to my sister, sister in law, and bestie on the phone + my mama and mother in law- I was separate but still surrounded by good women// going to Myrtle Beach with my parents// throwing an at-home USMC ball
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The Green Ember series// gardening (having a backyard in general!)// learning to just GO ON THAT WALK when stress starts to rise// access to book pick up at the library// twinkle lights in the living room all year long.
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Thank you for these 20, year 2020. This has been a chapter of holding grief and light too. May we continue to encourage each other to show up each day and give grace.
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Photography @arrows.light
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